It's Been about a Week..
Since I've posted. Not a whole lot has changed. I'm still struggling to stop masturbating. I feel like it's beginning to become the crutch that eventually I won't need to get by, sort of like recovering from a knee injury, you need it for a while, but after you get to the point where your knee can move, you can use it without the crutch. Masturbation is my emotional crutch.
Actually, a lot has happened this week now that I really think about it. First, I've had to deal with some more breaking up issues. Here I find myself 10 months out of the relationship with issues that I still can't seem to let go of. Well, that's not so much the case either. Earlier today and yesterday I wanted to talk to her about how much I still have feelings for her and try and get back together with her, however, my brain won that argument and now I'm feeling ok about it. So, some things that are significant to her happened this week. First, it was her birthday this week. All week I had been planning on wishing her a happy birthday, but I didn't know if I would just casually say it, or I would send her something like a card. On the day of her birth, I decided to just send her well wishes. I did it as she was leaving. As she was walking away, I said, "Hey!" she turned, "happy birthday," adding a smile. She lipped "thank you" back. Not audibly, but with the look on her face I could tell that she really meant it.
Then today, she got her foot ran over by something very heavy. Instantly I went from working Steve to, drop everything and take care of her Steve. It looked as if her foot could have been broken from where I was standing, so I stopped everything and made sure she was ok, to which she responded that she was. So I continued what I was doing. When I came back, she was gone. Instantly, I thought, "oh no, she really did break her foot, I have to find her and make sure she is taken care of." So I frantically searched for her, alerting anyone that I could that had been around when the accident happened. I found her first, she was treating a cut on her leg, saying she was fine. I later offered her a ride if she needed it or whatever, to which she shrugged off quickly, which was expected. It set me back a little though because I still have such strong feelings of care for her. Maybe it's just my nature, or maybe it's something deeper.
This being my first very significant relationship, I just have so many questions about why things happened between us the way that they did. I know that the likeliness of my questions ever being answered is very very slim, so I'm trying not to dwell on that as much.. not working so much though.
Good things have been happening to me this week though. I don't want to miss those. First of all, I had my GMAT test this week. The GMAT stands for Graduate Management Admissions Test. Basically, I have to take this in order to take master's level classes in the fall. Well, I had the exam on Thursday. It was brutal. Four and a half hours of test; two essays, one math section and one verbal section. However, it's over now and I'm very thankful because it was really putting some stress on me. That's another kind of funny thing. I don't generally stress about school stuff, however, I was completely stressing about this test, probably because if I were to not score well on it, it would directly have an effect on my schooling. Not to worry though, I scored surprisingly well. According to the unofficial results, I scored in the top 16% of people that have taken the test this year across the country, and in the top 10% in the mathematical section. The great news about this: my essays won't be graded for a few weeks, which means my score can only rise.
My car is also being taken care of. As far as I know at least. It should be done on Monday. I also, bought a really awesome CD this week after my test on Thursday. Black Star, made up of Talib Kweli and Mos Def. Amazing album.
Finally, my friend from WoW, Nancy, will be visiting in a week and I'm really excited to meet her.
Actually, a lot has happened this week now that I really think about it. First, I've had to deal with some more breaking up issues. Here I find myself 10 months out of the relationship with issues that I still can't seem to let go of. Well, that's not so much the case either. Earlier today and yesterday I wanted to talk to her about how much I still have feelings for her and try and get back together with her, however, my brain won that argument and now I'm feeling ok about it. So, some things that are significant to her happened this week. First, it was her birthday this week. All week I had been planning on wishing her a happy birthday, but I didn't know if I would just casually say it, or I would send her something like a card. On the day of her birth, I decided to just send her well wishes. I did it as she was leaving. As she was walking away, I said, "Hey!" she turned, "happy birthday," adding a smile. She lipped "thank you" back. Not audibly, but with the look on her face I could tell that she really meant it.
Then today, she got her foot ran over by something very heavy. Instantly I went from working Steve to, drop everything and take care of her Steve. It looked as if her foot could have been broken from where I was standing, so I stopped everything and made sure she was ok, to which she responded that she was. So I continued what I was doing. When I came back, she was gone. Instantly, I thought, "oh no, she really did break her foot, I have to find her and make sure she is taken care of." So I frantically searched for her, alerting anyone that I could that had been around when the accident happened. I found her first, she was treating a cut on her leg, saying she was fine. I later offered her a ride if she needed it or whatever, to which she shrugged off quickly, which was expected. It set me back a little though because I still have such strong feelings of care for her. Maybe it's just my nature, or maybe it's something deeper.
This being my first very significant relationship, I just have so many questions about why things happened between us the way that they did. I know that the likeliness of my questions ever being answered is very very slim, so I'm trying not to dwell on that as much.. not working so much though.
Good things have been happening to me this week though. I don't want to miss those. First of all, I had my GMAT test this week. The GMAT stands for Graduate Management Admissions Test. Basically, I have to take this in order to take master's level classes in the fall. Well, I had the exam on Thursday. It was brutal. Four and a half hours of test; two essays, one math section and one verbal section. However, it's over now and I'm very thankful because it was really putting some stress on me. That's another kind of funny thing. I don't generally stress about school stuff, however, I was completely stressing about this test, probably because if I were to not score well on it, it would directly have an effect on my schooling. Not to worry though, I scored surprisingly well. According to the unofficial results, I scored in the top 16% of people that have taken the test this year across the country, and in the top 10% in the mathematical section. The great news about this: my essays won't be graded for a few weeks, which means my score can only rise.
My car is also being taken care of. As far as I know at least. It should be done on Monday. I also, bought a really awesome CD this week after my test on Thursday. Black Star, made up of Talib Kweli and Mos Def. Amazing album.
Finally, my friend from WoW, Nancy, will be visiting in a week and I'm really excited to meet her.
posted by guythatnooneknows at 10:28 PM
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