Day 2
Mixed emotions accompanied today. On the one hand, I got up early and went to church and then stepped outside my comfort box and went to a college Sunday school class. Had a blast at the church, as I normally do. Then, I went to see a movie with my friend Ben and it began to look as if I was going to be ok today and not succumb to temptation.
Almost as soon as I got home from the movie, I was horny. I just finished masturbating not five minutes ago. The cravings just come out of no where. It's really embarrassing to have to sit here and right about it. It's so hard because I want to shake these feelings so badly, but I just can't seem to get a streak of days going in which I can get up the confidence to stop myself. I'll keep writing though, and hopefully through my writing I'll be able to nail this down. I'm not going to give up on quitting, I don't want to ruin myself.
I feel like I'm finally heading in the right direction though. I know I've said that before, but I really feel as if I am this time. Attending that class today was hopefully just the beginning. Seriously, the biggest hurdle was not the fact that I'm scared to get to know new people, it was just going one time. I met ten new people today and I'm not going to let the fact that I failed to hold back my addiction make me forget the steps that I took today. I need God to help me beat my addiction and I need to get closer to him in order to do that.
I got invited to lunch after the class today, however, it was all sort of overwhelming, so I didn't go. I will next week though, I think. I know for a fact that I'll go to the class. I also got invited to go out to this one guy's house as they apparently do for a gathering every week on Sunday's, however, I'm not ready for that leap yet. I'd like to get to know a few people, or at least the person in charge of the program before I take that step.
If your a religious person and your reading this, please start praying for me. I can tell that I'm beginning to really get my life back on track and today was only the beginning. Even though I let my addiction get the better of me today, it won't be like that for long. I'm learning new things about myself everyday and I'm going to use those things that I'm learning to grow, rather then to stay stagnant like I have for far too many years now.
Almost as soon as I got home from the movie, I was horny. I just finished masturbating not five minutes ago. The cravings just come out of no where. It's really embarrassing to have to sit here and right about it. It's so hard because I want to shake these feelings so badly, but I just can't seem to get a streak of days going in which I can get up the confidence to stop myself. I'll keep writing though, and hopefully through my writing I'll be able to nail this down. I'm not going to give up on quitting, I don't want to ruin myself.
I feel like I'm finally heading in the right direction though. I know I've said that before, but I really feel as if I am this time. Attending that class today was hopefully just the beginning. Seriously, the biggest hurdle was not the fact that I'm scared to get to know new people, it was just going one time. I met ten new people today and I'm not going to let the fact that I failed to hold back my addiction make me forget the steps that I took today. I need God to help me beat my addiction and I need to get closer to him in order to do that.
I got invited to lunch after the class today, however, it was all sort of overwhelming, so I didn't go. I will next week though, I think. I know for a fact that I'll go to the class. I also got invited to go out to this one guy's house as they apparently do for a gathering every week on Sunday's, however, I'm not ready for that leap yet. I'd like to get to know a few people, or at least the person in charge of the program before I take that step.
If your a religious person and your reading this, please start praying for me. I can tell that I'm beginning to really get my life back on track and today was only the beginning. Even though I let my addiction get the better of me today, it won't be like that for long. I'm learning new things about myself everyday and I'm going to use those things that I'm learning to grow, rather then to stay stagnant like I have for far too many years now.
posted by guythatnooneknows at 8:44 PM
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