A New Direction..
This blog is taking a new direction. I'm changing the motivation behind this blog as of right now. I just got back from a trip to Hawaii to see my best friend get engaged to the girl he'd been dating for 8+ years. Congratulations to the couple.
Anyways, after the wedding we spent five fantastic days in paradise and then I spent a day by myself in the Hilton on Kauai. A beautiful resort that I wish I had been able to enjoy to the fullest extent. As I sat by the pool one day, I realized that this is not the place that I should be staying by myself. I watched the world around my pool area circulate, noticing couples, newlyweds, families and friends walk by me and enjoy their time together. There I was, by myself, completely lonely. I realize that up until this point, this blog has been about getting over my ex up until this point, however now I believe that it will be about me getting on track with my life in ways that are beyond the reaches of her grasp.
In the last few months, I have been able to feel her strings fading away from my heart and now I want desperately to shift the focus to making myself a better person and a person that is more prepared for a future, productive relationship, one that can be long lasting and stable. So to that end, I want to work on myself physically and emotionally. The physical part is absolutely what I want to start focusing on now on this blog.
Currently, I am a decently attractive guy who is disturbingly scared to approach women and is very self confident about how he looks. However, the latter has changed somewhat after my last relationship. Emily made me feel very confident in the way I look, even after she saw me with my shirt off. (Note: taking my shirt off in any situation unless its by myself, behind closed doors, makes me very uncomfortable). Now, it's not as if I'm an ugly man, however, I went through two consecutive knee surgeries right after I got out of high school and rather then significantly exercise myself, all I did was sit on my ass and play a game called Everquest. Because of my five year addiction with that game and my knee surgeries, I put on a lot of weight. I ballooned up to 285 lbs. at my peak weight, which is horribly out of shape for my height. However, during that time I did have a god send. That was the fact that I work for UPS and unload trucks every day for four hours a day. If not for that, who knows how out of shape and out of touch with reality I would be.
Now, after I was able to kick the Everquest habit, I kicked a few other old habits and met Emily. At that time we dated for a month and it was over due to a few issues with both of us leading to the decision that we were not ready to be dating at all. At that point, I picked up World of Warcraft and my days of sitting in front of the computer and playing games was back on. I played WoW for nearly a year and a half before getting back together with Emily and dropping the game again altogether. During the nine months that we dated this time, I was very active. We did a lot of out door activities and I started to feel like I was in the best shape of my life. When we broke up about 10 months ago, I began playing WoW again and started putting on weight again.
So here I am now. I have since quit playing WoW, hopefully for the last time. Even though I still am a kid when it comes to video games (i still enjoy playing them) I am not committed anymore to sitting in front of the television or computer screen for the eight hours that I have to myself every day anymore. I want to make myself feel better about the way that I look and I want to make myself more attractive to someone special out there. That means getting myself feeling good about myself physically and emotionally. That means dealing with my sexual addictions and aligning myself with God in a way that I have not before. As I'm writing this, I feel as though these are impossible tasks, however, I'm committed to handling this.
So what brought me to this epiphany? When I was in Hawaii, I realized that what I want more then anything, I can't have unless I, first, get myself right. What I want more then anything is a meaningful relationship with someone special. I cannot have this unless I put God first in my life. Additionally, I want to make myself more appealing physically. Currently, I am 6'2" (probably closer to 6'1") and I weight between 229.0 lbs and 230.5 lbs (the scale is a little uncalibrated). I would love to reach a weight that is under 200 pounds and maintain that weight and start living a more healthy lifestyle.
This blog will start turning into a personal health journal rather then a diary of my struggles with my ex girlfriend. I want to become a better man and I want to be able to put my struggles on paper and to be able to communicate my feelings somewhere other then in my brain.
- S.G.
Anyways, after the wedding we spent five fantastic days in paradise and then I spent a day by myself in the Hilton on Kauai. A beautiful resort that I wish I had been able to enjoy to the fullest extent. As I sat by the pool one day, I realized that this is not the place that I should be staying by myself. I watched the world around my pool area circulate, noticing couples, newlyweds, families and friends walk by me and enjoy their time together. There I was, by myself, completely lonely. I realize that up until this point, this blog has been about getting over my ex up until this point, however now I believe that it will be about me getting on track with my life in ways that are beyond the reaches of her grasp.
In the last few months, I have been able to feel her strings fading away from my heart and now I want desperately to shift the focus to making myself a better person and a person that is more prepared for a future, productive relationship, one that can be long lasting and stable. So to that end, I want to work on myself physically and emotionally. The physical part is absolutely what I want to start focusing on now on this blog.
Currently, I am a decently attractive guy who is disturbingly scared to approach women and is very self confident about how he looks. However, the latter has changed somewhat after my last relationship. Emily made me feel very confident in the way I look, even after she saw me with my shirt off. (Note: taking my shirt off in any situation unless its by myself, behind closed doors, makes me very uncomfortable). Now, it's not as if I'm an ugly man, however, I went through two consecutive knee surgeries right after I got out of high school and rather then significantly exercise myself, all I did was sit on my ass and play a game called Everquest. Because of my five year addiction with that game and my knee surgeries, I put on a lot of weight. I ballooned up to 285 lbs. at my peak weight, which is horribly out of shape for my height. However, during that time I did have a god send. That was the fact that I work for UPS and unload trucks every day for four hours a day. If not for that, who knows how out of shape and out of touch with reality I would be.
Now, after I was able to kick the Everquest habit, I kicked a few other old habits and met Emily. At that time we dated for a month and it was over due to a few issues with both of us leading to the decision that we were not ready to be dating at all. At that point, I picked up World of Warcraft and my days of sitting in front of the computer and playing games was back on. I played WoW for nearly a year and a half before getting back together with Emily and dropping the game again altogether. During the nine months that we dated this time, I was very active. We did a lot of out door activities and I started to feel like I was in the best shape of my life. When we broke up about 10 months ago, I began playing WoW again and started putting on weight again.
So here I am now. I have since quit playing WoW, hopefully for the last time. Even though I still am a kid when it comes to video games (i still enjoy playing them) I am not committed anymore to sitting in front of the television or computer screen for the eight hours that I have to myself every day anymore. I want to make myself feel better about the way that I look and I want to make myself more attractive to someone special out there. That means getting myself feeling good about myself physically and emotionally. That means dealing with my sexual addictions and aligning myself with God in a way that I have not before. As I'm writing this, I feel as though these are impossible tasks, however, I'm committed to handling this.
So what brought me to this epiphany? When I was in Hawaii, I realized that what I want more then anything, I can't have unless I, first, get myself right. What I want more then anything is a meaningful relationship with someone special. I cannot have this unless I put God first in my life. Additionally, I want to make myself more appealing physically. Currently, I am 6'2" (probably closer to 6'1") and I weight between 229.0 lbs and 230.5 lbs (the scale is a little uncalibrated). I would love to reach a weight that is under 200 pounds and maintain that weight and start living a more healthy lifestyle.
This blog will start turning into a personal health journal rather then a diary of my struggles with my ex girlfriend. I want to become a better man and I want to be able to put my struggles on paper and to be able to communicate my feelings somewhere other then in my brain.
- S.G.
posted by guythatnooneknows at 10:53 PM
2 Comments:
wow... See I stumbled upon you blog by random; so take what I have to say a la' cart and not to heart.
Gaming addictions fall into the same category as drug and alcohol addictions. I most cases it’s a persons way of avoiding what really going on in there life.
It’s an escape; it’s easier to fall into a realm of non-reality to avoid what really painful in your life right now. I’ve been there and experienced it.
So buck it up and face your demons; be a man and take care of business. Any woman worth her salt will appreciate that in the long run. And lets face it, most women wither they want to admit or not is really gonna dig a take command kinda guy. And what a good woman really wants in a guy is one who has his shit together anyway. Now that’s not including the girls (bitches) who are into the bad boys; or the ticks, who want a fixer up guy. Anyway they are the women who you want to steer clear from anyway….
Anyway, do get back into shape. It’s healthier anyway; and 20 years from now you’ll be glad you did. But as far as how women view you and your body type; no worries… Women don’t think that way. And if you have your shit together and you’re successful and confident in yourself; it doesn’t really matter what you look like. If you are; you will getting more ass than a toilet seat… LOL actually I stole that last half of that sentence…. But really; confidence, success and togetherness is the key to success in your own relationships and in life.
Basic evolution; women are looking for the best provider for her offspring. You can’t provide that unless you’re successful and have your life together. You can’t have that till you’re confident in your self… Step up; take care of business… the rest will follow.
--BD
Your absolutely right about gaming addictions. What's even more on point is that I was able to mask who I really was and develop online relationships with women more then I was able to in real life. Online, I was a strange mysterious playboy, which is exactly what I'm not.
Thank you for your kind words. Please visit again:)
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