I didn't intend...
When I started writing on this blog, I had no intentions of making it a blog where I whine about my break up with my ex in every post. Somewhere along the way however, that's what it digested into. I'm in a weird state of mind about the whole thing. At this point, I know it's over.. i've known that for a long time, but it seems that I can't stop thinking about everything. I think that it's probably normal, but throughout the course of the relationship things were happening to me at the age of 25 that should have been happening to me at the age of 16 or 17, and that seems to be a continuing pattern throughout all the emotions I'm going through.
Examples? I have them. Valentine's Day of this past year comes to mind first. Our first kiss.. it was pretty romantic. Later on that week we had our Valentine's day date. I think it might be the best one she'll ever have, but only because most guys have lost the art of romance:P We went out to a very nice restaurant and I spent a lot of money. They had a dance floor and we danced, slow dancing, nothing over the top. Even slow dancing is about as romantic as it gets, but I wasn't done there. We went to the symphony.. box seats. Very very quiet and romantic. All during the performance she was all over me. Not in a make out way, but in a I want you to hold me but the arms of our chairs won't allow it way. The symphony ended and it was only 10pm. Neither of us wanted to go home so we drove around. We drove all over the city, just talking and driving, very sweet. She looked so gorgeous that night. We decided to dress up for the evening and we both did it up very well. She told me around the middle of the week that she was going to dress up in a skirt. When I first heard that, I was thinking, great, we get to see how smutted up she can be :/ But I was wrong, she was total class. She looked amazing.
Anyways, we drove and when we were heading back to her place, I took her hand as we were at a red light and kissed it on the backside of her palm. Nothing more then a small peck, but apparently that was enough. We spent the rest of the night kissing in different parking lots around the city. But that's not what I remember the most. After we had enough kissing we parked the car in a church parking lot a few houses down from her house. She leaned over her seat and laid herself across my lap and we just looked at each other. I traced her hands with my fingers for an eternity and never got bored. As much as she thought I was all about the kissing throughout the rest of our relationship, that moment right there, was the one that I'll cherish for the rest of my life.
Well, we lost track of time and her dad busted us at 4am. Something that should have happened to me when I was 16 (LOL), but it was funny as hell, so what are you gonna do. But as for my feelings now, I completely feel like I should have had these confusing feelings for a girl when I was 17 and dealing with a break up, not when I'm 25. Obviously, my dating background is not something I'm totally happy with. I figured at this point in my life I'd have found someone and be seriously thinking about settling down with them. Now, while I'm not feeling like this is the be all end all of my relationships, I do wonder when the next one will come. I feel like I have plenty of opportunities to meet new girls, in fact, I may have had one tonight, but I wonder if I'll ever overcome my own feelings of self doubt enough to approach a girl with the intentions of asking them out, or if I'll just wait for one to drop in my lap again.
Not that I didn't have the balls to ask the my ex out first, because I did. But I only did that after I was 99.9% sure she would say yes.
I went to see the new Rocky movie this weekend and there was a line in it that I hope I remember for a long time. It said something along these lines, "it's not how hard life is, it's how hard you can take pain and suffering and keep getting up." I'm getting up. I miss her, but I miss the girl that didn't go to Italy. The by product of Italy, I don't really miss. That's enough for now.
Merry Christmas to my nones of readers:)
-S
Examples? I have them. Valentine's Day of this past year comes to mind first. Our first kiss.. it was pretty romantic. Later on that week we had our Valentine's day date. I think it might be the best one she'll ever have, but only because most guys have lost the art of romance:P We went out to a very nice restaurant and I spent a lot of money. They had a dance floor and we danced, slow dancing, nothing over the top. Even slow dancing is about as romantic as it gets, but I wasn't done there. We went to the symphony.. box seats. Very very quiet and romantic. All during the performance she was all over me. Not in a make out way, but in a I want you to hold me but the arms of our chairs won't allow it way. The symphony ended and it was only 10pm. Neither of us wanted to go home so we drove around. We drove all over the city, just talking and driving, very sweet. She looked so gorgeous that night. We decided to dress up for the evening and we both did it up very well. She told me around the middle of the week that she was going to dress up in a skirt. When I first heard that, I was thinking, great, we get to see how smutted up she can be :/ But I was wrong, she was total class. She looked amazing.
Anyways, we drove and when we were heading back to her place, I took her hand as we were at a red light and kissed it on the backside of her palm. Nothing more then a small peck, but apparently that was enough. We spent the rest of the night kissing in different parking lots around the city. But that's not what I remember the most. After we had enough kissing we parked the car in a church parking lot a few houses down from her house. She leaned over her seat and laid herself across my lap and we just looked at each other. I traced her hands with my fingers for an eternity and never got bored. As much as she thought I was all about the kissing throughout the rest of our relationship, that moment right there, was the one that I'll cherish for the rest of my life.
Well, we lost track of time and her dad busted us at 4am. Something that should have happened to me when I was 16 (LOL), but it was funny as hell, so what are you gonna do. But as for my feelings now, I completely feel like I should have had these confusing feelings for a girl when I was 17 and dealing with a break up, not when I'm 25. Obviously, my dating background is not something I'm totally happy with. I figured at this point in my life I'd have found someone and be seriously thinking about settling down with them. Now, while I'm not feeling like this is the be all end all of my relationships, I do wonder when the next one will come. I feel like I have plenty of opportunities to meet new girls, in fact, I may have had one tonight, but I wonder if I'll ever overcome my own feelings of self doubt enough to approach a girl with the intentions of asking them out, or if I'll just wait for one to drop in my lap again.
Not that I didn't have the balls to ask the my ex out first, because I did. But I only did that after I was 99.9% sure she would say yes.
I went to see the new Rocky movie this weekend and there was a line in it that I hope I remember for a long time. It said something along these lines, "it's not how hard life is, it's how hard you can take pain and suffering and keep getting up." I'm getting up. I miss her, but I miss the girl that didn't go to Italy. The by product of Italy, I don't really miss. That's enough for now.
Merry Christmas to my nones of readers:)
-S
posted by guythatnooneknows at 11:29 PM
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