Dear Ex-girlfriend,

I gotta put it down tonight. Something happened today that made me realize that it'll never ever happen again between the two of us. In and of itself, from me, it was pretty innocent and all that I wished to accomplish was to alleviate some of the awkwardness between the two of us. I decided to tell a joke to you that we had had when we were dating about you being the favorite of the unload wall because you brought in food. Stupid enough, I know, but it was something we joked about in the past. Thing is, even though it's so infinitively over between us, your still my favorite, just because your you.

You gave me this look, I'll never forget it. I've never had you give me the look you gave me today. Even when we were fighting while we were dating, I never got that look. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crushed by it, but I just never thought I'd get what I got from you today. You just blew me off, which I expected anyway whether you thought it was funny or not. It makes me sad to think that the extent of our relationship at work will be both of us pretending we never had any kind of relationship. That's what I wanted though. I know I told you I can't be just your friend and I still mean that.

You should know that I'm worried about you. Regardless of what you may think, I have said not one negative word about you at work since it happened. People know we broke up, but they don't know why or how. I've been asked by everyone what happened. I just tell them that it didn't work out and I have nothing bad to say about you. Which is a lie. I have plenty to say, good and bad, but I refuse to let people know how I truly feel about you. Because if I tell them the bad, I have to tell them how much I still care about you. I have to tell them how much I still think about you. I'd have to tell them how much I still want to have you be a part of my life.

I don't miss you like I did before though. I do think about the great times we had before you left for Italy. Your not the same girl now that you were then. I wonder if you know that. I wonder if your family recognizes that. I guarantee your mom does. She probably just refuses to say anything to you. And if she doesn't, she should open her eyes. You wouldn't believe the number of people that have come up to me since you've been home and asked me what's different about you. I just smile and nod and tell them that their asking the wrong guy.

Ex-girlfriend, I wish you hadn't changed the way you did when you got home. I feel like we really could have gone somewhere. I guess we'll never know now. I don't regret one minute of the nine months, except the fact that I let myself get head over heels about marrying you way too early. I should have put a stop to that talk when you first brought it up. I should have said something along the lines of, "ex-girlfriend, it would be an honor and a privilege to be the one to end up with you, but I think we should wait to talk about this until you get home." Where was my brain then? I missed you so damn much, that talking about that made me feel so close to you that I couldn't stop myself.

I hope that whatever happens to you, you find what your looking for. I was not it, obviously. I wish I was though. I miss what you were, even now, I miss what you are. I wish I could be there for you to help you through whatever your dealing with. I'm sure that your better off without me though, and I'm ok with that. But I do miss you. And... ever so often, I still look for your car to come up the drive to my house, even though I know it's not coming.

I'll always love you,
-S