Alright, Here Goes...
So I'm going to share my addiction. I don't think anyone I know will ever read this, but if people do, maybe they will try and help me conquer what I'm dealing with.
Most people will not understand why my addiction is a problem for me. Most people think that this is a natural part of life, but the way I was raised tells me that it is not normal and what I'm doing is something that is considered a sin. I have had a masturbation problem for years. I am completely addicted to it. For years, it didn't bother me and it was a temporary high. I did not at all think it was something that would hurt me and I thought it felt great and I didn't have a care in the world while I masturbated. However, over the last two years, it has become something that is completely impossible for me to derive any type of pleasure from because of the amount of guilt I feel after I've done it. Sometimes, I'll be in the middle of the act and feel like complete shit for doing it, yet I'll still complete the act. How fucked up is that? What's worse is, I turn to masturbation as a stress reliever after a long day at work or school and it winds up turning into a stress magnet. I feel guilty and I feel shitty afterwards because I know I've done something completely against what I believe.
In addition to the fact that I derive no pleasure from doing it, I've managed to wrack up bills because of it that I think I may never pay off. Granted, I have paid for quite a bit of pornography over the years and I have actually made dents in the bill, I feel like it's such an overwhelming amount of money that I'll never pay it off. I have even taken to going to a psychologist to help rid me of this addiction, but because originally I went to a psychologist for her, I find it hard to find any sort of motivation to quit now that she isn't there. Over the summer, I had it down to once or twice a week. Today was the fifth day in a row that I've masturbated. It's been like this ever since we broke up. I desire desperately to not let this control me, but whenever push comes to shove, I always succumb to it. It's worse then any drug, it's worse the alcohol to me, I think this could possibly be one of the worst addictions there ever was.
I don't know what else to do. My brain has been programmed to do this for nearly ten years and I can't get myself out of this funk. I want to stop so bad, SO BAD.
Pray for me. I need it. I WILL BEAT THIS. I'm too strong a person to let myself be controlled like this. I hope.
-S
Most people will not understand why my addiction is a problem for me. Most people think that this is a natural part of life, but the way I was raised tells me that it is not normal and what I'm doing is something that is considered a sin. I have had a masturbation problem for years. I am completely addicted to it. For years, it didn't bother me and it was a temporary high. I did not at all think it was something that would hurt me and I thought it felt great and I didn't have a care in the world while I masturbated. However, over the last two years, it has become something that is completely impossible for me to derive any type of pleasure from because of the amount of guilt I feel after I've done it. Sometimes, I'll be in the middle of the act and feel like complete shit for doing it, yet I'll still complete the act. How fucked up is that? What's worse is, I turn to masturbation as a stress reliever after a long day at work or school and it winds up turning into a stress magnet. I feel guilty and I feel shitty afterwards because I know I've done something completely against what I believe.
In addition to the fact that I derive no pleasure from doing it, I've managed to wrack up bills because of it that I think I may never pay off. Granted, I have paid for quite a bit of pornography over the years and I have actually made dents in the bill, I feel like it's such an overwhelming amount of money that I'll never pay it off. I have even taken to going to a psychologist to help rid me of this addiction, but because originally I went to a psychologist for her, I find it hard to find any sort of motivation to quit now that she isn't there. Over the summer, I had it down to once or twice a week. Today was the fifth day in a row that I've masturbated. It's been like this ever since we broke up. I desire desperately to not let this control me, but whenever push comes to shove, I always succumb to it. It's worse then any drug, it's worse the alcohol to me, I think this could possibly be one of the worst addictions there ever was.
I don't know what else to do. My brain has been programmed to do this for nearly ten years and I can't get myself out of this funk. I want to stop so bad, SO BAD.
Pray for me. I need it. I WILL BEAT THIS. I'm too strong a person to let myself be controlled like this. I hope.
-S
posted by guythatnooneknows at 11:33 PM
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