So Here's What I've Been Thinking...
Lately, I've desperately wanted to attend a college age Sunday class at my church. Especially with the recent unattachment I've felt towards my ex-girlfriend, I'd really like to get involved with people my own age, outside of my core group of friends. However, lately, for whatever reason, I've found myself highly unmotivated to even attend church, much less go to a class there.
Maybe some background is neccessary. I was raised in a Baptist church by my father and mother. My dad was the pastor of said church. Upon graduating high school, I realized that this church was no longer for me, because the girl population was not what I was looking for. So even though my reasons were not altruistic, I happened upon a church that I really enjoyed for more then just the amount of females that attended. I started attending every week and really was enjoying my new found desire to learn more about my faith.
Then came the move. About eight months ago my dad moved down a few states and I moved in with a family in a town about fifteen minutes from where I grew up. Now, when I was dating my ex-girlfriend, I began attending church with her. She was a Lutheran, so I found the services very very drab. Not that Lutherans as a whole produce boring worship services, but this church did, plus Lutherans are very much methodical in how they do things, at least from my experiences, so that's why I say that. Although the message that was taught was generally what I found to be on point, I did not enjoy the overall atmosphere of the place because I feel that church should be something that is enjoyed and not something that is a chore, which my ex-girlfriends family had turned it into. The weekend after we broke up I went to my old church which I hadn't attended for about six months. It was fantastic. I loved every minute of it. However, since, I have not been back.
I think part of that can be attributed to the fact that for whatever reason I was holding out hope that my ex would call me at some point and invite me back to her church for a Sunday service. Because even though looking back on it, I hated it, at the time, I liked being around her. Girls tend to sway me. I need to work on that.
So anyways, tomorrow is my first Sunday that I've felt completely free of the bond that she had on me. I really should attend, the only thing holding me back at this point is me. I don't even know that I want to jump right into the class thing, I think it would be really a positive step in the right direction for me to just attend a service and see how I feel and start to make that a habit, rather then throw myself into everything right away. Especially since, throwing myself into it right away is something I want to do for the wrong reasons, and those are to find a new girl. If I really want to go to that class (which I believe that deep down, I really do want to attend the class for the right reasons) I should do it because I'm drawn to it by my own feelings, and not the feelings of potentially meeting someone. Besides all that, going to church to meet someone or further a dead relationship (see above) is just not right.
I'm twenty-five years old and I'm learning to be a man, both on the inside and the out. I'm coming into my own and I'm doing it day by day now. You wait and see, because I'll make it. I will be who I was meant to be. I can feel my true self finally emerging from the cocoon I've been in for so long.
I'm excited.
Maybe some background is neccessary. I was raised in a Baptist church by my father and mother. My dad was the pastor of said church. Upon graduating high school, I realized that this church was no longer for me, because the girl population was not what I was looking for. So even though my reasons were not altruistic, I happened upon a church that I really enjoyed for more then just the amount of females that attended. I started attending every week and really was enjoying my new found desire to learn more about my faith.
Then came the move. About eight months ago my dad moved down a few states and I moved in with a family in a town about fifteen minutes from where I grew up. Now, when I was dating my ex-girlfriend, I began attending church with her. She was a Lutheran, so I found the services very very drab. Not that Lutherans as a whole produce boring worship services, but this church did, plus Lutherans are very much methodical in how they do things, at least from my experiences, so that's why I say that. Although the message that was taught was generally what I found to be on point, I did not enjoy the overall atmosphere of the place because I feel that church should be something that is enjoyed and not something that is a chore, which my ex-girlfriends family had turned it into. The weekend after we broke up I went to my old church which I hadn't attended for about six months. It was fantastic. I loved every minute of it. However, since, I have not been back.
I think part of that can be attributed to the fact that for whatever reason I was holding out hope that my ex would call me at some point and invite me back to her church for a Sunday service. Because even though looking back on it, I hated it, at the time, I liked being around her. Girls tend to sway me. I need to work on that.
So anyways, tomorrow is my first Sunday that I've felt completely free of the bond that she had on me. I really should attend, the only thing holding me back at this point is me. I don't even know that I want to jump right into the class thing, I think it would be really a positive step in the right direction for me to just attend a service and see how I feel and start to make that a habit, rather then throw myself into everything right away. Especially since, throwing myself into it right away is something I want to do for the wrong reasons, and those are to find a new girl. If I really want to go to that class (which I believe that deep down, I really do want to attend the class for the right reasons) I should do it because I'm drawn to it by my own feelings, and not the feelings of potentially meeting someone. Besides all that, going to church to meet someone or further a dead relationship (see above) is just not right.
I'm twenty-five years old and I'm learning to be a man, both on the inside and the out. I'm coming into my own and I'm doing it day by day now. You wait and see, because I'll make it. I will be who I was meant to be. I can feel my true self finally emerging from the cocoon I've been in for so long.
I'm excited.
posted by guythatnooneknows at 12:13 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home