Been A While -or- Y'know, Chillin~
So it's been a while since my last post. A lot of shit has gone down. Turns out, I'm a horrible person. Some people may say that about themselves, but I completely and totally live it. Your about to find out how, in case you were asking yourself, "how could that be?" Oh, I'm a piece of shit.
So here's how it all started. About two weeks ago now, I pulled a no-call, no-show at work on a Friday. I don't really know why I did it, other then, I was driving to work and I just decided. Fuck it, don't want to go today. So I didn't go. I also didn't call in. This is something I don't do often, and now I know why. It makes me completely nervous to do it because I'm afraid they will fire me over it, even though up until those points, my attendance record is pretty flawless. So I'm sitting at home over that weekend thinking of excuses I could use to get out of it. The first one that pops into my head is, oh, I accidentally turned my phone off. That's the one I should have gone with. Why I didn't, I'll never know. You want to know what one I did go with? I told my boss my best friend committed suicide.
Yep, that's right, I told my boss that my best friend committed suicide. Do you know what that gets you? That gets you a week off of work and a tremendous amount of guilt for the lie. But not only that. Once you start a lie like that one, you have to continue it to everyone that wants to know why you missed an entire week of work. Not only that, but you have to answer to all of your other supervisors that have heard that your best friend committed suicide. Not only that, but you have to tell the exact same lie to everyone that you come across who has heard of the lie. Once you start a lie like that, you can never come back from it. Not only that, I cannot share this lie with any of my friends and we can't have a laugh about it later because it's incredibly insulting to the friend that you killed off and not only that, but that's the kind of lie that's not funny to anyone. I think this makes me a gigantic dueche. So ya, there ya have it.
Additionally, this presents a potential problem. The fortunate thing (if you can call this fortunate) about all of this is that I'm a fantastic liar and everyone has bought and paid for this lie like you wouldn't believe and there is virtually no way I'll ever be found out. Except for two things. The first one is if a certain person happens across this blog. Now, I'm 99.9% sure that that will never happen because she doesn't browse blogs and is generally too busy to even think of such a thing. So I'm 99.9% sure that I'm safe that way. The largest potential problem that I am scared about is the following.
One of the people that I told this lie to is my ex-girlfriend, whose picture can be found here
You see, she and I work together and we frequent the same mall for movies. A very real possibility exists that I could bump into her with this friend of mine that I have claimed committed suicide. She has never met this friend, but she has seen pictures of him. If she were to find out that he, in fact, was not dead, I'm nearly positive that she would tell the people at work and my shit would be screwed. For some reason, I had to tell her, even though when I told her this lie, I knew that she was the one person that could totally screw me over. I think I still have this sick desire for her to control some part of my life so I potentially put my fate in her hands to do with what she please. I'm a fucking retard. That's all there is too it.
The one thing I have weighing in my favor is this. In the two years that she has lived in my area before we were dating, as far as I know, I had never ever seen her before outside of work. As I type this however, I realize that what I just said was bullshit because I could very well have seen her and just not realized who I was seeing. However there was a period of about a year in which we had broken up and then got back together a year later. In that time, I made plenty of trips around the areas that we frequent and we never once crossed paths. Hopefully this pattern continues. Otherwise I'll be totally fucked.
Good Lord, I'm a horrible person. But it did feel good to type this. Hopefully this is the end of my retarded lie.
So here's how it all started. About two weeks ago now, I pulled a no-call, no-show at work on a Friday. I don't really know why I did it, other then, I was driving to work and I just decided. Fuck it, don't want to go today. So I didn't go. I also didn't call in. This is something I don't do often, and now I know why. It makes me completely nervous to do it because I'm afraid they will fire me over it, even though up until those points, my attendance record is pretty flawless. So I'm sitting at home over that weekend thinking of excuses I could use to get out of it. The first one that pops into my head is, oh, I accidentally turned my phone off. That's the one I should have gone with. Why I didn't, I'll never know. You want to know what one I did go with? I told my boss my best friend committed suicide.
Yep, that's right, I told my boss that my best friend committed suicide. Do you know what that gets you? That gets you a week off of work and a tremendous amount of guilt for the lie. But not only that. Once you start a lie like that one, you have to continue it to everyone that wants to know why you missed an entire week of work. Not only that, but you have to answer to all of your other supervisors that have heard that your best friend committed suicide. Not only that, but you have to tell the exact same lie to everyone that you come across who has heard of the lie. Once you start a lie like that, you can never come back from it. Not only that, I cannot share this lie with any of my friends and we can't have a laugh about it later because it's incredibly insulting to the friend that you killed off and not only that, but that's the kind of lie that's not funny to anyone. I think this makes me a gigantic dueche. So ya, there ya have it.
Additionally, this presents a potential problem. The fortunate thing (if you can call this fortunate) about all of this is that I'm a fantastic liar and everyone has bought and paid for this lie like you wouldn't believe and there is virtually no way I'll ever be found out. Except for two things. The first one is if a certain person happens across this blog. Now, I'm 99.9% sure that that will never happen because she doesn't browse blogs and is generally too busy to even think of such a thing. So I'm 99.9% sure that I'm safe that way. The largest potential problem that I am scared about is the following.
One of the people that I told this lie to is my ex-girlfriend, whose picture can be found here
You see, she and I work together and we frequent the same mall for movies. A very real possibility exists that I could bump into her with this friend of mine that I have claimed committed suicide. She has never met this friend, but she has seen pictures of him. If she were to find out that he, in fact, was not dead, I'm nearly positive that she would tell the people at work and my shit would be screwed. For some reason, I had to tell her, even though when I told her this lie, I knew that she was the one person that could totally screw me over. I think I still have this sick desire for her to control some part of my life so I potentially put my fate in her hands to do with what she please. I'm a fucking retard. That's all there is too it.
The one thing I have weighing in my favor is this. In the two years that she has lived in my area before we were dating, as far as I know, I had never ever seen her before outside of work. As I type this however, I realize that what I just said was bullshit because I could very well have seen her and just not realized who I was seeing. However there was a period of about a year in which we had broken up and then got back together a year later. In that time, I made plenty of trips around the areas that we frequent and we never once crossed paths. Hopefully this pattern continues. Otherwise I'll be totally fucked.
Good Lord, I'm a horrible person. But it did feel good to type this. Hopefully this is the end of my retarded lie.
posted by guythatnooneknows at 11:40 PM
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